The Quest for Pie 2: Martha Stewart’s Rum Cream Pie

So, this pie. It’s another custard pie, only stirred custard instead of baked.


Yes, I know, Martha called for a home-made pie crust, baked blind. I made pie crust from scratch once. I have the scars to prove it. Frankly, as far as I’m concerned the entire purpose of civilization is the easy availability of pre-made pie crusts, including graham cracker crusts for pies such as these.

I replaced the rum with Republic of Tea’s Milk Ooolong. Not even the slightest trace of its flavor remains in the pie, nor in the whipped cream that tops it.

The recipe made just a bit more custard than could fit in the crust, so I put some in a bowl in the fridge to try by itself. It turned out to be so sweet that it deformed the universe around it, and Sugar Creatures incomprehensible to the human mind broke through the breach it created in the fabric of reality. Please send mechas and Idris Elba. If I make this again, I will halve the sugar. No, I will probably quarter it. Though, truth be told the whipped cream is much less sweet, and an actual slice of pie wasn’t quite so excruciatingly sweet as the custard on its own.

Actually, if I make this again, I will likely make some pretty radical changes to it, some of which might be radical enough to risk actual Pie Failure (or, more accurately, Custard Failure). I am brave.

This might be really, really awesome with the rum the recipe calls for. As long as you don’t mind the Sugar Creatures. Incidentally, depending on how picky your tastebuds are and how much or little effort you like to put into cooking, well, “stirred custard” of this consistency is what us Americans call “pudding.” Yes. That’s what I’m saying. Store bought graham cracker crust, a box of vanilla flavored Jello Pudding, a can of squirty whipped cream and a bottle of rum. Or better, stir that tablespoon of rum into some Cool Whip. Now we’re talking!